Empathy and Leadership.
I worked as a summer counselor in 2013, taking care of 15 kids ages 10 to 12 (during two different seasons). It was my duty to make sure the kids had a fun summer away from home while keeping them safe from harm.
I remember most of the kids I cared, some for specific moments we shared, but others because they were like small little devils. One of those kids was Jacob, a tall kid for his age with a keen interest in nature, knives, and camping. He was hard to deal with mainly because he had no self-control over his emotions, especially when he got angry.
I remember one time Jacob got into a discussion inside the cabin that almost turned into a fight. I intervened right before he punched two kids by taking him out to the porch to calm down.
Jacob was in a rage, he didn’t want to talk to me, but I needed to understand the situation. After some time, he got up, took some small branches from the floor, and began to play with them. It was a clear signal that he was ready to talk about what happened.
When I asked him to turn around and face me so we could talk, he refused. Instead of nagging him about it, I let him be. I felt that he would listen even when all I could watch was his back.
After telling me his side of the story, it was clear that the kids teased Jacob a little more than he could handle. He said that he tried his best to maintain composure, but he had no idea how to do so and almost punched them.
Instead of punishment, it was more beneficial to teach him ways to calm down. After that, we spend about another half an hour talking about his interests. We concluded that he felt most happy when camping with his dad, feeling at peace with nature. My advice was to get closer to nature next time he felt like throwing a punch. Thinking about the trees of his favorite place or the touch of grass could be enough for him to breathe and calm down. We returned to the cabin afterward.
Two days after our talk, Jacob felt angry again. But instead of letting anger take over him, he dived to the grass and clawed his fingers into it. The other kids got scared, but it was the first time Jacob calmed down before getting into trouble. Not ideal, but a small step for him towards gaining control.
At the end of the session, the camp director approached me and said that it was the first time Jacob finished the summer without having to call his parents or being expelled.
I have no idea how I got to Jacob. When we talked outside the cabin, I had no idea what I was doing, but the advice just seemed right. Maybe some people know how to talk to others or, maybe my past experiences made me aware of what Jacob needed, more empathic. All I can be sure of is that, as leaders, we must know how to talk to people under our care and mediate situations to help the ones under us to excel and be better.
I could have grounded Jacob based on what I saw inside the cabin, but that wouldn’t have taught him anything. I wouldn’t have been a proper leader that listens to help, a leader that uplifts. I would have been another summer camp counselor that saw it as another job. Instead, I decided to be someone the kids could look up to, and I like to think that I did right by them. At least, by Jacob.
